To write or not to write

In continuation of the resilience article. It took me a looong time to find my voice. Have you ever wondered why some people second guess themselves so much while others are so self confident? 

I must have spent my entire life feeling a creative urge to do many things and then falling in the rut of not doing anything at all thinking it wouldn`t be perfect enough, good enough, what would others think?

My age is a well known fact for my 2 or so readers by now :)

Yes, at 37 going on 38 I realized that the onus of our lives rests solely on ourselves. We are not here to please anyone or live according to anyone else`s demands. Easier said than done for many of course. Tell this to a woman who depends on her husband for everything. She`ll scoff at you. Rightfully. 

But if one does have the power of self sufficiency it holds true that we are taught to be people fearers and people pleasers as we grow up.

I remember in high school, a childhood friend would sneeringly make fun of me calling me `paul`. Why she did that with her boyfriend despite the fact that she herself wasn`t all that great looking is a mystery. Perhaps there were other insecurities at play. Should consult her elder sister who is a psychiatrist. I wonder what her diagnosis would be. 

Not that I ever vied for the public eye in those years. I was quite ordinary and happy. I just suffered from the average teenage insecurities that all those people hold. Am I pretty enough, am I cool enough and so on.

Perhaps it is due to growing up with a figure who knows for sure what she wants. I love my mom and she has always done her best for me. She is a strong willed lady for sure and I admire her for that. It must be what took her so far in life despite whatever odds she faced. Yet this might not have been such a good thing in terms of raising self confident children. I personally think neither my sister nor myself displayed much self confidence in life.

Until recently. When I realized that there is no point in second guessing myself. Especially not for the sake of others.

The important thing is to be kind, generous, loving and then just be yourself.

That`s how this writing business started. Why didn`t I start doing this long ago? It was my husband who diagnosed that I have a thing for words. After he said this I realized that articulating my thoughts in writing come very naturally to me. If there is anything called karma, this must be it. I do believe that whatever comes easily and naturally to a person is the line they should be flowing along. Though my ego would picture myself somewhere else, a successful businesswoman in Hawaii :) - reality has shown me that I need to do something along the lines of communication. Too bad it took 17 years for me to figure this out. I would have studied something completely different. 

So, for my friends whom I speak with often about what they would enjoy doing in life, I guess it is what comes naturally to you. 

It`s amazing that we live in times where one can literally be whatever they want to be. You don`t even need to attend university to get certain degrees anymore. Or wait to be discovered if you are a talented something. Set up your youtube channel and voila! How cool is that?

So if you are also wondering what your superpower is, just see what you are able to do effortlessly.

Xx