On separation anxiety

God it's been a nightmare.  Separating from my 3 year old daughter, even if just for a few hours, putting her in the trust and hands of strangers has been an overwhelming anxiety for me.

It's just not finishing. After 2 years of desparate nursery hunting, thinking I had found the best place that ticks all the boxes to signing up and finding out that it actually doesn't, the ensuing refund process and the continuous search has been exhausting.

Not everyone gets so overwhelmed by the thought of whom they can entrust their babies with. God knows. Perhaps it's just 0. 01 percent of the world population and i turned out to be in that percentile. How lucky.

Whether it's my bad experiences with people in this life wherein I trusted fully and got betrayed fully that led to such distrust in me or the God given right to fend and look out for a beign as vulnerable and innocent as a child, I feel there might be other mommies out there who feel the same and perhaps just expressing this emotion and situation helps one feel it's actually all OK.

My experiences during motherhood have taught me that actually, it's all OK. Whatever a person feels, experiences.. There's no perfect mother and there is no perfect response to a given situation. While most of my friends` kids slept through the night, my daughter and I used to be out on our bike in the park after dark. She couldn't sleep, what could I do? It was awfully boring sitting at home with the beautiful weather outside. Who even said it wasn't OK to go out after dinner if the place you live in is as safe as Qatar. Shoutout to Qatar btw for succeeding in creating such a safe space for everyone to live. The city myth that if you forget your purse in a public place, it'll be waiting for you just where you left it actually is not a myth. It happened to a friend who left a lot of cash in her purse and when she returned to the bench in the mall 2 hours later, nobody had dared touch it. Which also calls for another article, I feel. Had we all been civilized enough to not touch another person's belonging without the fear of severe punishment, would the world still have been so f.. Ed up? Excuse my French. This, my dear readers whom comprise of probably maximum 2 people today, is proof that mankind still cannot do the right thing when left to their own premises. Unfortunately, we need the stick treatment and fear.

Coming back to how some can easily leave their vulnerable little ones with total strangers and how some like me turned out to be more difficult; I have come to accept that I need not feel so guilty about being different. I am who I am, what else can I be? Who was that hot French lady singing that song?

No, you need not feel guilty for anything as a parent. If you have done your best, which you probably have, then the ensuing emotions are just a part of life itself. No point whipping yourself thinking others are better than you.

It is good to try to detach from feelings but if that was so easy the world would be so chill wouldn't it?

My medicine for separation anxiety is - if you don't feel ready to separate, then don't. Unless circumstances force both parents to work or for any other reason place their child in the hands of others, don't do it until you feel more in control or law dictates that it's time for school.

I don't understand why nurseries don't allow the settling process to be more smooth and humane? What is it with the teachers who are so eager to pry your crying child away from you? It's ok if some parents choose to parent like that but it`s not if you're not OK with certain folkloric practices. The number of adults who have looked at me blankly when I told them I prefer to explain things to my daughter and get her consent outnumber those who said yes, even children have feelings and cannot be treated like potato sacks. Venting. Yes.

I took my daughter to nursery many times and managed to get her inside unwilling but with the understanding that if she did it peacefully and waited for me a little while inside she would get a reward. She didn`t wail and we didn't experience dramatic scenes during drop off. One teacher at a renowned nursery had said she preferred that her own son `be peeled off her like  banana` because he was too clingy. Well.. There's nothing wrong with that if the family is ok with such treatment but it's absurd for me.

One needs to understand that just like sleeping, attachment is also the most natural thing for children especially if they have never had the chance to be in the company of family without parents (no I am not psycho and I didn't hide my daughter from family, we always lived far away).

So, take it easy folks. It's all good and you aren't a horrible parent if you find separation difficult. At the worst, your child will be appreciative towards you when they grow up for respecting their feelings at such a young age.