Intrusive Thoughts by Luluesqué

In continuation of the resilience article. It took me a looong time to find my voice. Have you ever wondered why some people second guess themselves so much while others are so self confident?  I must have spent my entire life feeling a creative urge to do many things and then falling in the rut of not doing anything at all thinking it wouldn`t be perfect enough, good enough, what would others think? My age is a well known fact for my 2 or so readers by now :) Yes, at 37 going on 38 I realized that the onus of our lives rests solely on ourselves. We are not here to please anyone or live according to anyone else`s demands. Easier said than done for many of course. Tell this to a woman who depends on her husband for everything. She`ll scoff at you. Rightfully.  But if one does have the power of self sufficiency it holds true that we are taught to be people fearers and people pleasers as we grow up. I remember in high school, a childhood friend would sneeringly make fun of me cal...

God it's been a nightmare.  Separating from my 3 year old daughter, even if just for a few hours, putting her in the trust and hands of strangers has been an overwhelming anxiety for me. It's just not finishing. After 2 years of desparate nursery hunting, thinking I had found the best place that ticks all the boxes to signing up and finding out that it actually doesn't, the ensuing refund process and the continuous search has been exhausting. Not everyone gets so overwhelmed by the thought of whom they can entrust their babies with. God knows. Perhaps it's just 0. 01 percent of the world population and i turned out to be in that percentile. How lucky. Whether it's my bad experiences with people in this life wherein I trusted fully and got betrayed fully that led to such distrust in me or the God given right to fend and look out for a beign as vulnerable and innocent as a child, I feel there might be other mommies out there who feel the same and perhap...

Being selfish isn't always a bad thing, I have learned. Though society tends to make individuals feel guilty if they don't behave in a manner pleasing to others, experience dictates that one should ultimately prioritise his/her own mental health to be happy. At 37 going on 38 I can say for sure that one has to be practical in matters - you might end up doing something you ideally wouldn't but there also is no need to feel pressured to please anyone.  Of course, this is the tricky part because at this point an irresponsible person could use this as an excuse to wriggle out of responsibilities towards children, drink uncontrollably or take anything to an unhealthy extreme.  What I am talking about applies to the sane. I realized that I am finding it difficult to phrase things as I would want to. Suffice it to say if you are a kind and responsible person you need not feel guilty when you need to stand up for yourself.  Society pressures us into being people pleas...

Not your average library. Looks more like an ultra modern space vessel. With a really cozy cafe inside of course. Of course you would want a cafe on your spaceship. Who would go on it otherwise? Just kidding of course. But yes a cozy cafe would make a trip to space more appealing to me for sure. Otherwise I would prefer to stretch under the sun on our home planet. I thrive on sunshine. Coming back to the library I am talking about. It's the national library in Doha. The National Library of Qatar with its official name. And it is gorgeous. And no, this is not an ad, I am not sponsored, unfortunately and nobody is paying me to write this - again. I have been living in Doha for almost 3 years and as I had mentioned before, there are a lot of things about this place that impress and awe me. I feel this country should be a blueprint in many ways for any other country that wants to build up its society based on science, aesthetics and rationality. If you want sto...

You get dumped, you lose a job, a loved one, fail numerous times and life pretty much throws a lot of things at you which you never thought would come your way.  How do you handle it all?  Wiith resilience... This is a `power-word` I learned about recently.  After numerous ups and downs, failures, disappointments and hours spent pondering about life. Not that I am philosopher enough to engage in joyless debates of concepts but one does reach a point in life, some sooner than the others, when they start questioning why some appear happier and healthier than the rest.  It`s no coincidence, I feel, that those who end up with incurable diseases or depression seem to share the common trait of mental or emotional fragility. They feel overwhelmed by things more easily than others perhaps. A matter of easy resolution for some might turn into months of anxiety for them. I have also experienced this myself on a number of occasions. Friends who know me well enough h...